Derek Bradford

Last week my ex-husbands daughter Renae was my house guest for 8 days. We had a great time, although it was difficult for me to not be a 'mom' and just be a friend. She's all grown up now, married, and I am so proud of the life she has made for herself. Renae has had every obstacle placed in her way to use as an excuse to do nothing. But her drive and determination to overcome and do something with her life has been inspiring. I can't take credit for it, but I do hope that at least a tiny bit of that drive an determination and belief in herself came from me. I'd like to think my impact on her young life was positive in some way.

Her visit was perfect timing for me too, helping me to adjust to my new life of being 'alone'. I really enjoyed our time together. Saturday was her last day, and we made the most of it spending most of the day on the beach. (sorry about the sunburn Renae!)

That evening, we decided to make a quick trip to town so she could get some souvenirs to take back with her to KY. And to make a long story short, random occurrences put us in the path of a young man who needed our help. It seems this young Army Private, Derek Bradford, had been stranded at the gas station by my house and needed a ride. We piled his possessions, including his army fatigues, boots and helmet into the trunk of my car and headed down the road. I told him I couldn't take him all the way home to Marianna, but I would take him as far as I could.

It was an interesting drive. I found out that Derek had joined the army because he had a desire to serve his country. No one in his family supported him, or was proud of him. That made me very sad. He had just returned from serving his first tour in Iraq. I could tell that this 21 year old kid had experienced things I could not even imagine and that it had really affected him. But he was very excited and anxious to go back and do it again.

If you know me very well, you know that I am very patriotic . It's always an honor for me to meet and be able to thank a soldier. You can be sure that I expressed my thanks to Derek sincerely, and the boy made a real impression on me. He was extremely polite and courteous, but I wouldn't have minded if he hadn't called me "ma'am" so many times.

I suppose my point of this is just to say thanks again to you, Derek Bradford, for being there that evening. It was such a blessing to me to be able to do something for you. After all, you have put your life on the line for me and you had never even met me.

Sometimes God knows just what to send you to help you realize how blessed you are and to stop you from feeling sorry for yourself. It had been a particularly difficult day because I knew I was taking Renae to the airport early Sunday and then hitting the road myself to head back to Atlanta for the week for a seminar. I love Atlanta, but I just was NOT ready to travel again so soon. But here I am in the Big City. I've got a lot of learning to do this week, and thanks to young people like Derek Bradford, I have the freedom and opportunity to do it. 

God Bless You Derek Bradford. I will be praying for your safe return to your family. And God Bless Our Troops! 

How Kimberly Got Her Groove Back

It's about coming to terms with the way things are. Having the strength and courage to change what I can, accept what I can't and having the wisdom to know the difference.

One of my favorite songs to sing is 'Anyway', by Martina McBride. It explains the way I feel and how I'd like to live my life. Here's the lyrics.

You can spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah - I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!
I sing
I dream
I love
anyway

 

Lately I've had numerous invitations to attend 'b*tch training'.  It seems alot of my gal pals think I'm too easy, too sweet, too laid back, too forgiving, etc. And while I agree that I have allowed myself to be used, abused, and treated badly I don't altogether see it as a negative in my life.  I don't think I really want to buy the book "Why Men Marry Bitches". "The Rules", etc. It's not my nature to manipulate. I think this world has plenty of b*tches already, I don't need to join the club. And I'm too old to play games. If I have to become a b*tch to get married again, I guess I'll just stay single.

The fact is that I am who I am. I can't and don't want to change me. I believe that God made me special in that way. (yea, I'm special but I didn't ride the short bus!) :)

And although I have experienced some very serious trouble in my life, I have no regrets about the way I reacted to it. I did what I thought was right for me to do at the time. I don't have to answer for the behavior of others, just myself. I'm going to treat people the way I'd like to be treated. I'm going to keep loving who I love, forgiving just like God forgives me, being there for those who need me at any time, and trust that God will take care of me and my feelings. After all, he is my father. I know he has my back.

I can look back on some of the most miserable moments in my life and smile, because in spite of the pain I gained something. And if I had the chance to do it all again knowing I would lose the bad and the good, I'm not sure that I would choose it to be any different than it was.

Peace

On Being Content

Making significant life changes can be very difficult, even if the conditions of the change are favorable. I felt very strongly that I was led to this place. I planned it. I wrote it down and dated it. I worked very hard to make it happen. And then, with much patience and deliberation I made it happen. I'm in a good place. I am where I wanted to be and where I felt so determined to get to. But am I content? That's the problem with most of us. No matter what we have or where we go or what we achieve, we are never satisfied. We're always looking around to see what we are missing, assuming that we have missed out on what we should have. But compared to what? My thoughts lately keep coming back to the word  balance. There has to be a balance between drive and contentment. The danger lies in being the extreme one way or the other.

For example, there are those who are what I call the 'walking dead'. They hate their lives so much that they are miserable, and they make everyone around them miserable too. They are already dead, their bodies just don't know it. They just simply 'exist' waiting to take their final breath. They have no drive or ambitions in life. They have accepted the current state of their life and don't anyone dare try and change it. They feel like they have earned their misery.

The other extreme are those who never stop. They are so driven all they can think about is work, money, success, and material things. And no matter if they achieve great success, wealth or fame, it's never enough. They will always want more. They waste their lives chasing everything in this life that has no meaning and missing out on the things in life that money cannot buy. They are never content, no matter what life brings.

Somewhere in the middle, there's a balance between being happy with where you are and keeping the dream alive to move forward to something more. We must have dreams or visions to continue to grow. But we have to learn to be patient and content with the status quo until the train moves forward again. This has been a hard learned lesson for me. I don't conduct the train. How silly I would be to become impatient and try and operate the train engine. I wouldn't have any idea where to start. I better leave that job to the conductor.

A great Bible passage says,  "I will climb my watchtower and wait to see what the Lord will tell me to say and what answer he will give to my complaint. The Lord gave me this answer: Write down clearly on tablets what I reveal to you, so that it can be read at a glance. Put it in writing, because it is not yet time for it to come true. But the time is coming quickly, and what I show you will come true. It may seem slow in coming, but wait for it; it will certainly take place, and it will not be delayed. " Habakkuk 2:1-3

I think our visions or dreams for our lives comes from God. And a great man once said that the ones you know are the right ones are the ones that you can't stop thinking about. So, we should write them down and put it somewhere where we can see it at a glance. Then we should have faith that when the time is right, it will be. And while you wait, that's the time to be content.

So for all my friends and family who keep asking me when I'm going to get back to work, I have to say that I am in the season of contentment. I am taking some much needed time to rest, clear my head, and meditate. I'm waiting for answers and listening to the winds of change. It's hard to hear if you never stop and get quiet. And as much as I value my alone time, being alone all the time has been a huge adjustment for me. But I decided long ago that being miserable alone is still better than being miserable with someone.

So, here I am. I look forward to every day as a chance to meet new faces, grow new friendships, and see what new opportunities present themselves to me. This blog was one, and I'm feeling good about it. I hope you at least enjoy the pictures! I promise to post funny stuff too.

Peace!

The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life

Welcome to the continuing saga of the story of Kim. My purpose for writing and creating this blog was two-fold. The first being an outlet for me to write and put my heart and soul into words. I discovered my passion for writing about 6 years ago when my brother and his wife finally (after 19 years) adopted a newborn baby girl, Emily Grace. Something stirred inside me to write a book titled "Dear Emily". My intentions were to have it done by the time she could read. I think I'm a little late on the completion, but I have worked on it. The book is about the early years of my brother and I, easier for me because I never forget anything. I actually remember things from as far back as 3 years old. (Mostly I remember that I was a terrorist and gave my brother a real hard time growing up.) Hopefully I'll be able to finish the book by the time she's 10. That's the plan anyway.

The second reason for creating this blog was because I feel like my purpose in life is to inspire and encourage people. I don't profess to be a comedian but if I can make someone laugh or smile because I shared some silly story or mishap about my life, then it's a job well done. You never know who is watching you. Recently a very dear friend of mine that I have known for many years disclosed a personal situation to me that I had been completely unaware of. I was very shocked because I always envied her life as being better than my own. Then she told me that she had been watching me and that I was her inspiration and 'leading the way' towards a big change in her own life. All this time I had no idea she was looking to me for guidance and direction. It brought tears to my eyes to think that all the pain, doubt, struggle and hopeless feelings I have experienced over the last few months had actually helped someone else. Does it make it all worth it? I'm not sure, but it feels pretty good at the moment.

I think there's a fine line between being an optimist and a realist. You must find the balance and be able to feel the emotions that are in the middle. I don't care how positive a person you try to be, some days you just feel bad. The key is to let yourself feel what you feel without getting trapped in one place. Learning how to 'adjust the sails' and take control of your own ship is very powerful. But remember, even 'Jesus wept'.