It's about coming to terms with the way things are. Having the strength and courage to change what I can, accept what I can't and having the wisdom to know the difference.
One of my favorite songs to sing is 'Anyway', by Martina McBride. It explains the way I feel and how I'd like to live my life. Here's the lyrics.
You can spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway
God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah - I do it anyway
You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!
I sing
I dream
I love
anyway
Lately I've had numerous invitations to attend 'b*tch training'. It seems alot of my gal pals think I'm too easy, too sweet, too laid back, too forgiving, etc. And while I agree that I have allowed myself to be used, abused, and treated badly I don't altogether see it as a negative in my life. I don't think I really want to buy the book "Why Men Marry Bitches". "The Rules", etc. It's not my nature to manipulate. I think this world has plenty of b*tches already, I don't need to join the club. And I'm too old to play games. If I have to become a b*tch to get married again, I guess I'll just stay single.
The fact is that I am who I am. I can't and don't want to change me. I believe that God made me special in that way. (yea, I'm special but I didn't ride the short bus!) :)
And although I have experienced some very serious trouble in my life, I have no regrets about the way I reacted to it. I did what I thought was right for me to do at the time. I don't have to answer for the behavior of others, just myself. I'm going to treat people the way I'd like to be treated. I'm going to keep loving who I love, forgiving just like God forgives me, being there for those who need me at any time, and trust that God will take care of me and my feelings. After all, he is my father. I know he has my back.
I can look back on some of the most miserable moments in my life and smile, because in spite of the pain I gained something. And if I had the chance to do it all again knowing I would lose the bad and the good, I'm not sure that I would choose it to be any different than it was.
Peace
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